Leila squinted her eyes as she looked at the tinned roof and the cracked windows- the place she would now have to get used to living in. Her new home.
Memories of the tumultuous 2 days came flashing by where she and her folks were driven away from their land, she saw her own house being burned down to ashes before her eyes, her people massacred. They had managed to cross the border and were now in a new land. Neither here, nor there- where did they belong? The life of a refugee was not one she ever dreamt of living.
(100 words)
Linking up with the wonderful Rochelle Wisoff for #FridayFictioneers a photo prompt flash fiction.
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Published by Akshata Ram
Chartered Accountant, Story Teller, Dreamer, Voracious Reader, Blogger, Mommy to a little munchkin, Shopaholic, Day Dreamer.Passionate about my career in the corporate world and aspire to break the glass ceiling, at the same time nurture my passion for writing. My niche area is short stories, I also write on parenting, sexism, life's experiences, micro blogs and flash fiction. I have won the best Parenting blog post at mycity4kids.com the largest parenting website in India, 4 times and several of my posts have been published in the #MostPopular category on this site garnering millions of views. I also write on Bonobology, Rivo Kids, Women's Web and Youth Ki Awaaz. My blog has been chosen as the Top Indian Blogs for the years 2018-2019,2020 by TopIndianBlogs website and found a place in the prestigious Top 22 Indian Literary Blogs in 2020 @TopIndianBlogs.
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www.akswrites.com 
Very topical. A tragic situation for these poor people.
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True Ian
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This story strikes a powerful cord especially in all the stories we read about Rohingya. Well done, Aks
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True Lav I wanted to write a longer story on this but when I saw this prompt it seemed apt
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A tale of our times which so many can relate to, sadly. Beautifully written.
Click to read my FriFic!
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Thx so much Keith. It’s heartening to hear that
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It’s really tragic to be forced out of your home/land to a new territory, which even if welcoming, is not where you truly belong.
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The bitter truth indeed.
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This is so true in today’s world, with so many refugees. Great story.
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Thx joy it pains me too hence I wrote about it
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Such pain in this story, Akshata. Brave of you to write about it. I had a couple of niggles with word usage around over use/missuse of eyes. Sorry. If you like I can point them out to you. 🙂
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Thx Kevin – by all means feel free to point out- I would love to hear constructive feedback
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Thx, Akshata
S’nothing bad… just a bit of over-writing. Take, for example, the opening sentence, where you grab the reader’s attention.
Leila squinted her eyes as she looked at the tinned roof…
the dictionary definition (I spend a good part of my writing life in my dictionary) of squint is – to look at someone or something with one or both eyes partly closed in an attempt to see more clearly or as a reaction to strong light.
So your opening sentence could quite easily be…
Leila squinted at the tinned roof…
In a similar vein, your sentence…
she saw her own house being burned down to ashes before her eyes…
could be effectively reduced to…
she saw her own house burned to ashes
(Down seems irrelevant as you say to ashes).
That’s it. Simple really. I hope you find these word reduction suggestions constructive and helpful.
🙂
Best wishes, Kelvin
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These are very valid points, especially when it comes to flash fiction given the limit on words. Thx so much for the feedback, I now see how it could have been better. Can you be kind to keep the feedback flowing on my other blogs whenever you read
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Of course, Akshata.
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Those jumped out at me, too. You beat me to the punch, Kelvin. Great minds think alike.;)
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No one wants to be a refugee, but anyone could be a refugee. Not much stability in this old world.
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Very true- it’s the harsh reality
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Dear Aksha,
None of us begin life imagining ourselves as refugees. Unfortunately for all too many, your story is a reality. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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True Rochelle.
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Being refugee is devastating, may Leila find solace here.
Cheers
MeenalSonal from AuraOfThoughts
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Yea hope so too, thx for visiting!
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