And I met my dream man. It wasn’t the way in which I had thought.
It was through the arranged marriage route. But both of us were certain about one thing. We wanted time and we could not say how much. We spelt this out clearly to our families. His family was a carbon copy of mine. It worked well.
During our courtship, we had these days when we felt “this should be called off, its not going to work” and we had those days which were all mushy and gooey and all we could think of was “lets get hitched”.
The beauty of arranged marriages is – you do not have a whole list of expectations. Of course as an individual you do have expectations from your partner but when it comes to a person you met recently, you let things unfold and build expectations based on “the present”.
So the final decision was “Lets get married”. It wasn’t the overly romantic love but we knew what we wanted from life as a couple, we complemented each other. In him I found a friend for life, my parents found the son they had never had and I found a new set of parents.
While I couldn’t wait for the D day, much to my dismay the wedding ceremony wasn’t one that lived upto my expectations.
We decided to follow the rituals of his community as we weren’t keen on getting married in a particular way. I found most of the customs as patriarchal. The heavy weight of the saree and jewellery plus my hair which was pinned up and adorned with so many flowers was annoying me. I was sweating profusely despite the air conditioner.
I looked at him comfortably sporting a kurta and wondered – what if we swapped places? That thought made me chuckle.
The most regressive custom was yet to come. I was asked by the priest to wash my husband’s feet. I stood rooted to the spot. I was surrounded by 30 people , all elders from his family.
He sensed my discomfort and was the first one to speak “This is not needed, we are equals. She will not do anything of this kind. ”
The priest retorted “Suraj this is a sacred thing, you cannot just decide what you want to do”
“In that case I will wash her feet too” He coolly replied.
The priest was sweating now. He finally decided to do away with this custom.
I looked at Suraj and smiled, talking to myself”I do hope you continue supporting me like this always.”
Looks like I did find a guy like my Daddy.
Linking up with #BlogchatterA2ZChallenge
My theme for the challenge is
“A slice of life through Myra’s eyes” – a fictional tale of growing up and learning some vital lessons about self love, feminism, sisterhood, a working woman and the essence of being a woman in urban India.
Image courtesy-myindiandream.in
Nice short story … Its really important that we question such patriarchal customs. The husband’s response is super cool 🙂 I’m loving meeting all of you strong, independent-minded women through the #BlogchatterA2Z challenge.
https://lonelycanopyblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/15/nothing-like-school-memories/
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Thx so much Seema, I do hope there are more men and women who stand up for themselves in real life too
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Interesting. Hope Suraj maintains his Feminist stance.
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Let’s see what unfolds 😀
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Quite a romantic wedding if you ask me and pretty hot too, a man who isn’t insecure about these things.
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True KAnika
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“The beauty of arranged marriages is – you do not have a whole list of expectations. Of course as an individual you do have expectations from your partner but when it comes to a person you met recently, you let things unfold and build expectations based on “the present”. the best of this post! i loved this aks. N is for Nostalgia https://syncwithdeep.wordpress.com/2018/04/16/n-nostalgia-blogchattera2z-atozchallenge-atoz/
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Thx so much Deep, it comes from personal experience 😀
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I guessed.. our custom, the fatherinlaw has to wash the soninlaw feet.
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What a lovely story and I’m so glad that your husband stood up against patriarchal customs. Weddings are full of them.
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It’s not my story Kalpana! I wish it were. It’s a fictional piece I am writing for AToZ
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It’s great to have an understanding partner who keeps his male ego aside and supports in this journey where still societal norms, customs and traditions are given more preference than a woman’s comfort and desires.
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True Rashmi sadly not many will have the guts to stand up for their spouse
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Nicely written. In my custom, it’s the groom who touches the brides feet after marriage to slip on the toe ring and not the other way round. But totally agree with your point on marriage being a union of equals.
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Really! Send me that epic pic will ya?
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Sending to your personal email later today 😂!
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How well you have explained the beauty of arranged marriages in India. We do not know each other, are little awkward and shy around each other, even a little unsure, but the best part is we do not have expectations from each other. That is a solid foundation for a rock solid marriage. No expectations, no “you have changed”! And I think I love Suraj for his progressive views. He is definitely a feminist!!
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True Anshu I have always found this aspect very beautiful in arranged marriages!
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Awwe, Myra sure is an extremely lucky girl 🙂
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Indeed!
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Awwww!! I love Suraj. These age-old customs should be banned.
https://trinalooksback.com/2018/04/16/nani/
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Indeed! Thx for stopping by
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Dear Myra, I too hated this custom and we didn’t have it at my wedding (only a symbolic drop of water on the toe) but my father explained to me that this custom originated because when the groom came to the wedding, he generally travelled from another village and naturally his feet were dirty and possibly smelly too……
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Shouldn’t he wash it himself then Sunita? I find most of our customs are rooted in patriarchy
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Of course they are Akshata. It is a man’s world much as we would love to have it otherwise….
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I wish more guys would emulate Suraj’s stance! Some customs are regressive but seniors explain that they have a scientific background. I am not entirely satisfied with this explanation though..
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True they do explain that there is some significance but most of it is all influenced by patriarchy
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I really liked this – especially when he made the offer to do the foot washing too – that is a sign of a good man who really cares.
Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au
N for Never lie
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I gotta read all the previous chapters that I have missed. Wonderful tale. This is what a woman needs in her man.
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Thx Priya read at leisure
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In modern world too we have customs like a man opening the car door or pulling the chair for the woman right ….customs will always be formed but in every era there have been couples who treated each other equally and led a beautiful life…nice story…
http://jaishwrites.blogspot.sg/2018/04/n-for-neutral-colours.html
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Thx for stopping by. Pulling a chair or holding a door is not really a custom to be honest but a matter of etiquette. I would hold a door open for anyone irrespective of gender.
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Such a lovely sight. Hope he continues to support her always.
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Hope so too. Thx for stopping by
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My blessings to this awesome couple! Myra found the perfect match, I must say! Good one, Akshata 🙂
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True Tina thx for stopping by!
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If she’s had any doubts about her decision, I’m sure they must have been wiped away with that one statement of his. I hope he continues supporting her like this. Actually I hope they continue supporting each other because as he said, they are equals
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True Nayantara I am sure all her fears and doubts are put to rest now
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This is Mahak 🙂
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Sorry my bad.
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Wow! so romantic wedding. What more to expect from a husband other than this support! Very well written.
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Thx a ton! Its indeed romantic
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How I love your stories! Some cultures and their weddings are really patriarchal. They still believe hat a wife is the servant of her husband. Glad to hear the story of Suraj.
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Thx Arjun, yes these customs make me squirm, Time we rewrite them
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Suraj sounds like a very sweet guy. Glad to know that Myra found someone who respects her and understands her.
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True Deepa its indeed a blessing to find a spouse who respects you are treats you as an equal
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Finding father’s reflection in her man, isn’t this every woman? This was such a sweet post and I feel the light shining bright in her life by her Suraj 🙂 Nicely done!
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True every woman who had a great relationship with her Daddy would want that. Thx for stopping by Shweta
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All right! Good for her groom to break the rules like that.
The View from the Top of the Ladder
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Indeed! Thx for stopping by
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I like your story. Seems all cultures have customs and traditions need to be let go or at least refined. Lucky couple to recognize this.
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True Patricia we need to rewrite the customs and bring in equality. Thx for stopping by
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In our custom, the father of the bride follows this ritual. Both me and my hubby had tears when my dad was asked to follow this custom at my wedding. Thankfully the priest didn’t force it upon us after watching us. Sometimes I don’t understand the logic behind the age old customs. I am so glad Myra found the man of her dreams
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True Aesha these customs often make little sense and are reeked in patriarchy. Its time we rewrite the customs
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Happy to meet the new age man, Suraj! Glad Myra got the best of the company for life.
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Yea hope they are more of his kind!
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Interesting to read the positive side of arranged marriages, which we don’t hear much about here. Looks like she got a good one!
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Yep she did though not everyone is as lucky!
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Great story Akshata. We need men like Suraj who stand against the age old patriarchal customs. Myra got lucky indeed!
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True Meha else things will never change
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How wonderful! This piece made me smile
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Glad it brought a smile on your lips. Are customs very different in your place?
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I’m from Goa, a Roman Catholic. So although the customs are different, the culture is pretty much the same
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I dint know that! Glad to get to know you better
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I love this post. These women are strong and think just like me. Amazing!
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So glad to hear that may our tribe grow
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Things are changing for women, but also for men. In this day and age, the groom was sensitive to his new bride’s feelings. It never used to be like that. This couple was very brave to go against the tradition. I enjoy reading stories with strong women.
JQ Rose
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Thx Rose! I too am in awe of strong women and hence created this character
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The not so perfect wedding is just perfect. This is what we need. We need people who think about equality. The post made me smile. 🙂
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True Disha! Good people who make the imperfect ceremonies perfect
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Wow that was very sweet gesture. Eyes speaks a thousand words 🙂
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Yes indeed! Priceless words!
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Good foundation to the marriage by Suraj!! A dream man indeed to defy tradition when most needed!!
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True indeed
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A prospective arranged marriage bride here, trying to find my way without bending principals or losing hope. Your post just warmed my heart and gave me hope. I am so glad you found a supportive partner. Congratulations!
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Hi this is a fictional story but I am sure its real somewhere! All the best
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I hope so. Thank you 🙂
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