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I am not typically a non fiction reader . In fact since the past few years my reading has dwindled quite a bit. Blogging took up the void and off late it’s been the gym, walks on weekends and time spent with Angel.

I happened to read a post on Facebook by a senior woman leader (Vaishali Kasture) whom I greatly admire where she recommended this book and the way she described her top 3 takeaways made me want to grab this right away.

A book on Indian career women by Anita Bhogle who was always identified as the famous cricket commentator Harsha Bhogle’s wife. Reading the book which gives a glimpse of Anita’s career graph, her struggles and never quitting attitude made me develop a new found respect for her. Here is a strong, inspirational, with a quiet demeanour , firm at the same time, someone with a MBA from IIMA, managing a career in the best possible way while raising 2 sons and with a spouse who was always on the go- takes a lot of conviction which shines through the pages of this book.

With all the hullabaloo surrounding gender diversity these days, as a woman in the corporate world, someone who is passionate about her career, speaks her mind , envisions herself on the top and aspires to be the one who pulls more women along- this book had a lot to devour. I found myself chuckling at times, angry at the unfairness of expectations on the shoulders of a woman at other times, nodding in agreement when something I identified with came up (and many such instances) and pondering at some thoughts ( which are difficult to implement but needed if one wants to have a successful career)

The book talks about how women expect to be treated at the workplace” Equal yet different” because that’s how we are. We are different to men- not just physically, biologically but also looking at how our Indian society has been over ages and how thats built into our psyche . While we all claim that things are different now, parents are broad minded and are investing in education of their daughters, there is no pressure in getting married at a certain age or having kids- the fact remains that a huge proportion of the burden of eldercare and kids, managing the home falls on women. Irrespective of the class, community, strata of society, having the best possible domestic help or none at all , the story is largely the same. Managing a house, kids and running a stellar career (which requires you to take up challenging roles, stretch assignments, travel, work late hours and network after work) is not at all easy. Something is bound to slip, sometime. Given the fact that the starting point in the race is not the same, doesn’t a different treatment make logical sense?

What does this “different” treatment mean? Most people assume it means “favours or a quota system” when it comes to new hires or promotions. This is strictly NOT the kind of differential treatment we women want. Ask any career woman, she will cringe at this. We all believe we are equally capable and aspire to make it basis our merit and not any so called “diversity candidate quota”. Organisations are now focusing on gender diversity because they have realised that to achieve their ultimate goal of making profits, they need a diverse set of people on the table that makes decisions. Research and past performance is testament to the fact that companies who have embraced diversity have thrived by multiplying their profits, creating superior brand value and thereby attracting the best talent. There is a solid business case for diversity , lets not forget end of the day by applying quotas and getting more women who are not competent on the table, the organisation will suffer- there is no reason for them to indulge in something which they are sure will fail. So the next time we smirk at a woman who made it to that dream job or promo, let’s pause, reflect and be honest with ourselves “I am not the best every time, this lady here could be better suited for this and she earned it based on her merit”.

I can go on and on about this topic because career and woman is one of my passions but I want to use this post to summarise the top 3 takeaways for me (Toastmasters at work has made me cognisant of the Top 3 concept when it comes to making a point)

1. “Have it all” is a myth, its illogical and aspiring for it will only make a woman bitter and resentful. Having a fulfilling career and expecting you manage your kids, parents, in laws and the home flawlessly , single handed is a myth. Ask for help, do not shy away. Invest in modern gadgets , get the best domestic help , even back ups like we do at work , get your husband involved in running the household. The guilt of not being the perfect mom, not being able to cook a good meal for your kids tiffin, missing on those milestones, PTM’s , the child getting closer to the grandparents or the help- all of these bother us. They bothered me at times. Not as much as it was always my mom who has cared for Angel from the time she was born (I knew I could trust the woman who brought me up, I turned up so awesome after all!) but I did feel those tiny pangs of jealousy when I took that international assignment to Zurich and Angel was barely 2.5 years old. The fact that she was content and showed zero signs of missing me started to bother me at times. The logical me chided the irrational me -” Isn’t this perfect? You can focus on your job and revel in the Swiss Alps without a worry in the world” but the mommy guilt got at me . Over time I have overcome it. As Angel has grown not just in age but so much wiser and empathetic, we have forged a bond. I decided I have to be honest with her, tell her about things which are often brushed under the carpet- I told her about why I am a single mom, I told her about my career and why it means so much to me and I could see the change in her. It’s important to talk to our kids about what matters to us, and they will understand and be our biggest cheerleaders. And let’s accept the fact that we cant be perfect at everything, let’s focus on the things we are good at and harness our strengths. It’s ok to not be a great cook or not have the best home.
2. Organisations who truly champion diversity need to understand why women need a different treatment and how each stage of her career graph needs a different enabler. Entry level women need an inspiring peer group and a structured network. When women start off fresh from school they have most likely seen equal number of men in the classrooms and believe it’s no different here. Having a peer group helps them share experiences and navigate the hurdles they gradually start experiencing as they start to ponder why are there so few senior women in the workplace. The mid career stage is where maximum women drop out mainly due to childcare and elder care responsibilities. Here the utmost need is flexibility. Mentoring (at this stage, personally I vouch for women mentors who have gone through a similar journey and are proudly continuing in the workplace) is a big enabler. At advanced career stages mentoring has been seen to help in lower attrition. Why mentoring now , one may wonder? Its a different set of goals and advise one would seek from mentors at this stage as they aspire to climb up the ladder further, broaden their network, increase the scope of their role. Having had and continuing to have a diverse set of mentors at the workplace I cant help but vouch for how much it has helped me gain fresh perspectives and a new found confidence (for someone who is already sure of herself)
3. While the book speaks about what organisations and senior management, spouses and men in the lives of us career women need to be cognisant of in order to to be our true allies , it reflects on how women need to take charge of their careers. Be ambitious, speak up, put your hand up for the most challenging job, one that no one wants to take. Network with your colleagues , while it may not come naturally to many of us, networking as is often thought of need not be endless hours of banter over beer and cricket. It could also be showing up ,making sure you do the rounds talking to the people you need to, slipping in subtly that information to the ones you want to get it across to and then pushing off. That way you are not compromising by doing things you dont like while you continue to squirm inside, purposeful networking is the mantra. Years of conditioning have made us put our families, spouses, kids, parents needs first and be under the delusion that the success we achieved is not fully ours. We dont ask for that role unless we think we meet 10/10 of the criteria, we rate ourselves critically, hesitate in giving feedback when its not pleasant while a man does all of this differently. We do not have to ape them, we are different and should proudly wear our differentiating abilities on our sleeve but we should stop being so hard on ourselves. We should take risks, having a strong network, mentors who are invested in our careers helps, a strong family support system enables us to focus on our careers. Not everyone may be lucky to have it and some have to make the most of what they have. But never give up. Few years down the line when things are better and they definitely will be , you will look upon these days of struggle and be proud of the woman who saw it through.

This book has quite a lot of dimensions that can never be covered in one post. I would strongly recommend every career woman, homemaker, every man who truly believes he is a male ally and aspires to see more women grow at the workplace, every dad, husband, son, brother , friend read this to understand why women want to be treated “Equal yet Different”