If only I had chosen to turn a deaf ear when she said black doesn’t suit a dark skinned person like me, If only I had shrugged my shoulders and worn that black T shirt instead of tossing it away and picking a light coloured one.
If only I had followed my heart to be a writer than study medicine. Become a doctor she said, a noble profession and safe from a future perspective. If only I had not locked away my diary and dreams.
If only I had the courage to tell her that I love a guy, I am gay and why is that a sin? Love knows no boundaries, its not defined by the sex of the person. If only I had refused to marry Sudha and commit a even bigger blunder.
If only I had said something when she asked me to move to the concerete jungle and buy a villa, “a metropolitan city is where life is made my boy” he said, my heart lay in the quiet lanes of the town I grew up in.
As she snatched the flowers from my little boy’s hand, the ones he was so lovingly arranging in the vase, something snapped inside me.
“Stop being a sissy” she screamed “and go play outside like boys”
“Stop it”, it was a voice that came from my heart , one that took 35 years to find courage to be uttered through those lips. There would be no “If only’s” , no regrets of a live not lived for oneself, no dreams brushed under the carpet under the pressure of “sacrifice” made by a parent and how a kid had to be eternally grateful for rest fo their life – he would live a life without being fit into a box that someone made for him.
There would be no “if onlys” in my life too, it was never too late I smiled as I took out my long lost dairy.
This is in response to FictionMondays hosted by Vineetha.
if only is the leading line in many lives sadly. It takes immense courage to break that chain. What a lovely story, Akshata! Thank you so much for joining last week. 🙂
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Thx a lot Vini , I enjoyed this
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