Flash news-Married women & Working moms are happy to travel on work #MyFriendAlexa

Posted in Aks Corner, family, Finance, Gender Equality, job, Love & Relationships, Self Love, Sexism

I am a working mom, I have a 4 year old daughter. As much as I am a doting mom and cherish every moment spent with my little girl, I am ruthless when it comes to my career. I am a very ambitious person and aspire to reach the highest echelons in my career.

I wrote a few weeks ago about why its important for women to be vocal at work- this is something that I practise at my workplace- looking for new opportunities which will give me a chance to showcase my abilities and build up my network at the workplace. A year back I was offered an opportunity to take up a new role for 6 months as the person performing this role would be out on maternity leave.

The role would have to be performed from Switzerland for 3 months. I was really excited. The role in the first place interested me, doing something new, forging new relationships, gaining expertise in a new area and working from a different location – it would all help in propelling my career a step further.

My initial thoughts were to take my daughter and mom along (just like I had taken them along last year when I went on a month long trip to Switzerland). But my mom runs a day care here in Pune and it would not be ideal to shut it down suddenly for 3 months , she had responsibilities. Besides I would be at work the whole day, it would get really boring for my daughter who is used to playing with kids. Sitting huddled at home the whole day (given the cold weather) she would find it no fun. My mother was the one who was keen I should go. Its just a few months, time will pass quickly. Don’t worry I will take care of Angel, she assured me.

My daughter is used to my Mom since the time of her birth,  I knew she wouldn’t have any issues. So. I took up this assignment, I am the only one so far from India who has been offered this kind of a role mobility for a short term.

My stay in Zurich was an absolutely fabulous experience woking in the office and living a single life, travelling alone and rediscovering myself. I did miss my daughter but we talked on Skype daily and she seemed happy- a few years down the line I know that neither she nor me are going to regret this. But if I stopped myself from taking this up, a gnawing sense of missing something would remain.

I met up with a good work friend  recently who is an Indian born and brought up in London. She is someone who has constantly inspired me by urging me to be vocal about my career, she is equally ambitious, bold and unapologetic. She came to India on an International assignment for a year leaving her life and family in London and then moved to China with a bigger and better role. Living in different countries, all alone is not easy. There are many challenges and I am proud that she tackled them single handedly and triumphed. Not everything may have always worked as she wanted it to, but taking that big step of being in charge of your career, being willing to move if need be and being adaptable and flexible is what stands out. I wish there are more like her.

I always hear this complaint from people that women are too soft and won’t be able to handle the pressure and the cultural shock- FLASH NEWS- This is bygone. Women can handle it, just like men do.

I was speaking to a friend recently who works in a different organisation and she was really dillusioned, She told me about how married women in her team are being sidelined when it comes to onshore opportunities and good projects. There is a pre determined mentality that married women will get pregnant, have babies, go on maternity leave, come back and consider work as secondary, why waste resources on them. This friend of mine is serious about her career and has expressed her interest in travelling abroad before her manager but is given the standard response and was even once told “Its not that easy, there is a lot of pressure and people are quite hostile, how will you handle?” Its like a overprotective father figure talking.

Both these women whose examples I cited do not have kids. If its so tough to for women in general- the condition for working moms has to be much worse.

There could be cases where a working mom is genuinely not interested in taking up the opportunity for whatever reasons and that is totally understandable. But , not even considering her and moving ahead with a pre conceived notion that she is a woman, married woman or mom and wouldn’t be interested or wouldn’t be able to handle it is outrageous.

Not only is the organisation missing out on a job well done by a talented employee, they also run the risk of the employee getting dejected, quitting the organisation and sharing this horrible bias with others which is a reputational risk.

I am happy that I work for an organisation and among people who value my contributions as an employee, sans the gender. The fact that I was given this opportunity is testimony enough that my being a mom was in no way a deterrent in the way of my career path or travel.

At times before I went ahead and  faced the dilemma – should I, shouldn’t I? I always thought about these articles I write, how I encourage women to own their career, protest against sexism and biases prevalent in the workplace. If I were to refuse this, I knew somewhere this  might strengthen the belief of people who already think on lines of “ah the working mom , you really think she will leave her baby and travel?” It was not just about proving them wrong, but the fact that I know my daughter was in safe hands which gave me the confidence to leave her behind and travel and the other fact being that I know if I have to rise in my career, I cannot be doing a 9 hour desk job. I aspire for big things which means I have to work towards my goals, seize opportunities and make the most of them, like I just did.

While every working woman may have different goals- for some its just a means of livelihood, others seek fulfilment in their career- there is no right or wrong , the only wrong thing is when women are sidelined due to pre conceived notions which impairs their career.

Its great to see the friend from London who took charge of her career and moved continents all by herself. I am proud of myself as well for saying yes and doing my bit in shattering the myth around working moms.

I hope the overprotective father (read boss) realises that his pseudo daughter is grown up and is ready to flee the cage, may he not clip her wings and let her soar high.

Image courtesy :thetravellingsaleswoman.com

I am taking my blog to the next level with #MyFriendAlexa in association with Blogchatter.

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Published by Akshata Ram

Chartered Accountant, Story Teller, Dreamer, Voracious Reader, Blogger, Mommy to a little munchkin, Shopaholic, Day Dreamer.Passionate about my career in the corporate world and aspire to break the glass ceiling, at the same time nurture my passion for writing. My niche area is short stories, I also write on parenting, sexism, life's experiences, micro blogs and flash fiction. I have won the best Parenting blog post at mycity4kids.com the largest parenting website in India, 4 times and several of my posts have been published in the #MostPopular category on this site garnering millions of views. I also write on Bonobology, Rivo Kids, Women's Web and Youth Ki Awaaz. My blog has been chosen as the Top Indian Blogs for the years 2018-2019,2020 by TopIndianBlogs website and found a place in the prestigious Top 22 Indian Literary Blogs in 2020 @TopIndianBlogs.

209 thoughts on “Flash news-Married women & Working moms are happy to travel on work #MyFriendAlexa”

  2. I can totally relate to what you are saying. Being married and having kids, especially is considered a kind of black mark when on comes on onshore opportunities, irrespective of how well a job can be done!! You inspire and help keep the fire inside burning. Thanks for that Akshata 😊

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  5. There is an intrinsic strength that we derive when we are working. It is so important to be working not just for financial freedom but work gives that confidence and it provides that steering one needs to place life in its proper perspective. Never easy for woman to balance playing that dual role but as rightly said it is all in the mind, and being vocal makes a big difference, once you are determined nothing can stop. You have set an example for many to follow your footstep. Staying in foreign land and being alone is big learning experience and it teaches us so many new dimension to living life.
    😀

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  7. A lovely read as always Akshata. I love how you come across as this strong and confident person even in your words. I am sure you are the same in real life. I do hope your post inspires many other women and moms and also shakes dad like bosses out of their ill-formed reverie.

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  8. I think we have long passed that stage of gender bias in reputed companies. Even if some manager behaves as such, most companies has process to escalte it. Make sure you use it genuinely.
    And for me, living alone depends on ones moral strength and has nothing to do with gender!
    We are moving towards a much better society. Good luck.

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    1. You are mistaken then if you believe gender bias is non existent in reputed companies. I can tell you that for sure having worked in the Top MNC s. it’s all about the mentality of people and that’s got nothing at all to do with the organisation. Hoping things will change it’s a long and arduous journey though

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  9. Being vocal at work is very much important these days. Women employees especially need to set their priorities and job parameters right …time and again..

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  10. You know what I realise, Akshata? Everything is changing, except the mindset of men! It is very sad isn’t , moreso because it is these stuck-in-a-time-warp people who take decisions at the top!

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  13. You are strong and determined. For some this might not be that easy.
    There are many hidden factors to decision s we make in life.
    For many women staying away from family, solo us just not an option.
    Sigh…
    Enjoyed your thoughts, and about the lady in Canada.

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  15. Thats Great you girl, Women are not treated equally at many places till today and I think being we should not blame others, it is us who at times aren’t confident to take bigger roles and when we try a lot of people try to press our confidence down. So agree with you, we need to be vocal for oursleves

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  17. Hi I loved your article. Its very inspiring. Even I am on a path to change my job and always get the comments what will do when you have a kid? How will you manage? I am happy there are women like us who know having career does not mean you cant look after your kid. Thanks for a brilliant article.

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  18. This was one really positive post Akshata. Lately I too have been coming across women who do not mind traveling for work. And given that they are mothers, it is very encouraging that times are changing. I would rather say, to each one their own. Let the decision lay with the lady. If she is willing, no one else should have a reason to discriminate against her for having a family too.

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    1. True Anu maybe a woman is not comfortable traveling and that should not be held against her. Similarly someone who is willing to travel should not be denied that opportunity because of her gender.

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  19. After so many years there is still a change that has to happen in the mindset of men for sure. Yet it feels good to see you being so honest and upfront and fighting for what is right. It is a fact that your stories motivate other women and make their day. It is inspiring to read your posts as always.

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    1. And it feels so good to hear from you Sudha! I find it depressing at times to see biases prevail in the most reputed organisations, end of day its always about people. The mindset shift has to happen

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  20. I know we have discussed so much about this but it’s definitely not an easy decision to make. But knowing you for so many years, I also know how gutsy you are. I know how much this helped in your career so good choice.

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  24. Complete agree… How a woman chooses to balance her life and work, what opportunities she wants to take up.. Should be solely her decision. Organisations truly need to get over their biases and treat all employees to equal opportunities..great post!

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  27. during the interviews, I have faced it as well. In the end, the question comes, ” You got married 4 years ago, what are your plans for babies in the near future?” I never understood how my personal plan will affect my professional ability. I am here to interview for this job means I am ready to take up this challenge and whenever i will be pregnant, I will take the decision based on that time condition. U r an inspiration, my dear. I wish I can start working soon as I am sure while working during my pregnancy will be normal.

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  30. You are a wonder woman Akshata. I try to practice the same however it never involves continents! …I too have a soon-to-be-six daughter. We two live in a separate city due to work, my work, my career! that’s how it is for more than a year now. I don’t believe in ‘oh I have a small daughter. how’ll I do it?’ I manage. 🙂

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    1. I live in a separate city too with my daughter who is almost 4 and my mom. It’s nice to meet you virtually .. always feels good to meet people with similar stories who share similar aspirations.

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  32. In today’s world a woman dons many hats. Your post gives inspiration to many mothers who are placed in a similar situation. A very interesting read! I admire you for your ability to manage everything so well.

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  33. Hey Akshata , there are people who limit women’s aspirations by boundaries , saying women can not do this and that, cause they are married, they have home husband,& children to take care of. Your own experience, the way you have advocated it strongly proves them all wrong and you are an Inspiration. Keep it up, #MyFriendAlexa #SujatawdeReads

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  34. This is so good to read, especially at a time when I’m going through a difficult phase in my career. I’m married and child-free by choice.

    Even if I repeatedly make it clear to potential employers during interviews that family commitments won’t hinder me do the job, they (mostly men) keep pestering that- I would change my mind, pop out baby in future and leave the job. As if I can’t think for myself.

    More power to you. 🙂

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  35. As a new mother I have faced this dilemma recently, gave up on an opportunity because I did not find it feasible at this point in time. But, happily took another option which was viable. I have met few people doubting me and interestingly many of them are mothers themselves. Taking a break or not after marriage and kids is a personal choice. Happy to read your journey. Keep looking up and fly high!

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  37. Oh god, thank you for saying this. I am going to share this email with all of my colleagues possible. People in corporate have begun treating marital and parental status of a woman as a disability and a reason to pass them over. Not everyone’s situation is the same. The protective fathers just don’t get it.

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  39. I like how you have emphasized that different women have different goals and hence the only wrong thing to do is assume. It is good that you have a strong support system in your mother, which is the wind beneath for wings. Continue soaring high!

    Namratha from #firstgreenstep #MyFriendAlexa

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  40. Excellent post, Akshata. You’ve raised a very relevant topic here. The judgemental approach that comes with a married woman (with or without kids) is completely wrong on part of the organisation as well as her family. I’m glad you have a strong support system back home and a fiery passion and drive to advance in your career.

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  42. Education doesn’t teach us to be gender biased when it comes to one’s career. Career is a personal choice, in what direction and how far one wants to sail. And this decision should never be made based on one’s gender or marital status or motherhood rather on one’s skills and capabilities. You truly are breaking the barriers Akshata! Kudos!

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  43. The mothers when work, become an inspiration for their kids as they look up to their mom and say that they aspire to be like their moms in the near future. Working moms not only work but also look after their children without any difficulty. So such kids need to look at others for an inspiration, but they get to see an inspiration at home only. This way, they also learn to do hard work in their life.

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  45. Oh, this is so on point and a clear slap on the face of those who think that women are just here in the corporate world to pass their time. I remember in the first job I was recommended by my immediate boss for a new position in a different city and I was so happy & excited about that. But my whole world shattered when the VP (lady) rejected my name & asked my boss to select a male for this position. I was not even married then. I couldn’t take it and resigned after a few days. My blood boils whenever I recall that meeting. This is a brilliant post, Akshata, and kudos to you for being strong headed and having clear career goals

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  46. I do feel that it is important for companies to be progressive in their thoughts and actions to overcome gender bias as also prejudices against working mothers and provide them with opportunities that match their potential and experience

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  49. Very Inspiring!! Indeed, it demands courage to focus on career after delivering a Baby. Even I couldn’t in-spite of being a highly ambitious. Sometimes, my son feels that I had to sacrifice my career because of him. But I enjoyed motherhood. Well these days the Moms need top understand this. Career is as important as Motherhood and family. Wonderful post.

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