I fell head over heels in love with Raj when I was 13. Life seemed like a fairytale. He was the new boy in our class – what I loved the most were his dimples. When he threw up his head and laughed, those dimples looked so gorgeous. I was tempted to go and touch them.
As I got to know Raj better, my attraction towards him kept spiralling. Initially it was just a physical attraction as Mom had told me “raging hormones in adolescence”. But slowly I started falling in love with Raj as an individual. His sense of humour, compassion, his intelligence, his thoughts.
I was always told that its the guy who should propose first, never quite got that. Whats the harm if I tell him that I like him?
Sheena my girlfriend told me “have you ever seen any girl proposing Shah Rukh Khan? Or any Princess in any of the stories we read asking the Prince for his hand in marriage. Its a guys thing, not ours”.
I was in a conflicting situation – I wanted to express my feelings but Sheena’s words held me back.
Thats when I saw a text from Raj -He wanted to talk something with me . My heart almost stopped beating for a minute. I changed 5 times before I finally put on my favourite black dress and met him at CCD.
He held my hand, I could almost hear my heart beating. I was perspiring despite the air cooler.
“Myra you are special, I am so glad to have met you. I haven’t shared this with anyone, not a single soul but I want to confess to you. I somehow felt you will be the one who will understand me and not judge me. I want to come out in the open. I am gay”
My mouth was wide open like a fish. I couldn’t comprehend what I just heard. Was this a nightmare?
He was looking into my eyes, holding my hand. I was waiting for him to flash out a ring or something and he tells me his is gay.
I don’t know how I regained my composure, he talked for an hour. Tears welled up in his eyes and he spoke about hiding such an integral part of his identity from everyone.
We hugged as we parted ways. I came home and cried for a love that was never mine.
We met after summer holidays again. I had decided to keep in minimal contact to save myself any heartache. But when I looked at him I realised I did not want to lose a friend, he was far too precious. He needed me too.
This was the beginning of a new bond which lasted till eternity.
Linking up with #BlogchatterA2Z
My theme for the challenge is
“A slice of life through Myra’s eyes” – a fictional tale of growing up and learning some vital lessons about self love, feminism, sisterhood, a working woman and the essence of being a woman in urban India.