www.akswrites.com

My highlight this week was a session on “Leaning In” that I co led with my colleague Anagha. The session was for a small group of women from different functions, with varied experiences.

Having re read “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg at a stage of my career where I can relate to her struggles, challenges faced in a much better manner as compared to reading it as a woman who had started her career 3-4 years back, it made a sea of difference and I will strongly recommend every woman or a male ally to re read such books.

We, as a group of women discussed, debated, challenged each other, had a few good laughs , learnt, unlearnt and left the session agreeing to some of the points where we all felt there is more of a conscious attempt needed by us women to take charge of our careers and not wait for someone to place this “tiara” on our head.

Here is a brief list (with some anecdotes):

1. Sit at the table – Take that seat right beside the CEO, CFO or whoever is the center of the discussion. The fact that you have been invited to join this meeting/ conversation is a sign that you are important, your views, questions matter. Being at the table makes it so much easier to be an active participant in the discussion. In my early years as a young professional I held back myself at times thinking my question was too trivial only to see someone else ask the same question (they read my mind I tell you!) and sometimes get the “good question” remark- Has this happened with you?
2. If you are offered a seat on a rocket, don’t ask which seat, just take it- we as women are often hesitant to take risks in our career, try out different things such a domain or role we have never done, take the plunge of working in a different industry, or a company in its nascent stages. Its not that for each of us we prefer familiarity and don’t want to ruin our work life balance, that would be generalizing it. Its our self critical nature, fear of failure, fear of being judged. Unless we learn to trust ourselves and our abilities , build fungibility as a skill, a flourishing career would be difficult.
3. Embrace the mess in your life. Its humanely impossible to have a stellar career, a perfect home, be the doting mom, perfect spouse, dutiful daughter and the multiple roles that we are expected to essay with aplomb. The often asked question “Can women have it all?” (baffles me why this is not asked to men?) its important to decide what your “all” is and this could be different at different stages of your life. Once you have decided what this and the order of priority (not saying its easy) you can certainly have it all. Don’t try to do it all and have it all at one go.
4. Don’t let the imposter syndrome get you . Women often attribute their accomplishments to others – the manager, mentors, a great team, supporting family or “Just got lucky” and for failures often takes the blame upon themselves. This behavioral trait severely dents our confidence when we encounter failures. The imposter syndrome (a feeling that all our laurels, accomplishments are not something we are fully worthy of, one day this bubble will burst and everyone will know) plagues women much more , in greater numbers and intensity than men. A way to combat is fake it till you make it. Just to be clear, what we are faking or trying to shake off is this voice in our head “you are not good enough” as this is limiting our ability to succeed. Remind yourself of your accomplishments- academic, professional, personal which reinforces your faith in how far you have come. Keep reaffirming your faith in self. You are your biggest cheerleader.
5. You do not have to change yourself , your identity, quirks, beliefs to fit in. Reminds me of this wonderful movie “Purl” a short film by Pixar that beautifully explores fitting in. Each of us in unique and we bring our unique perspectives, beliefs, ideas to the table and it is this diversity of thought that helps the organization flourish. Gender diversity needs to be spoken about, not as a cry for help from male allies but as something that everyone needs to know about, learn , unlearn, challenge each other on and evolve as there is so much work to be done here

Have you read this book? What were your key takeaways?