Seen, not heard? Is that you woman? #MondayMusings #FeministMondays

Picture this- an official meeting where the room is full of an enthusiastic young crowd who have just joined the organisation as interns. The ratio of men v/s women is not as skewed as it gets when you move higher up the ladder. The manager talks for the first 15 minutes and then opens up the discussion to the wider audience. You see many hands shoot up, and the first one to speak in most cases is a man. You might hear a woman speak but their contribution often dwarfs down in comparison to the men.

Take a different scenario like a Townhall attended by 100+ people or a business meeting with mid and senior level managers. You will be surprised (or should I say not surprised) to see the number of women speak up, ask questions, challenge, state their point of view or simply make their presence felt – minuscule in comparison to the men. It would be unfair to conclude that someone who  doesn’t speak up in a meeting is any less competent to someone who does – after all the ability and knowledge of a person cannot be judged just by how much and what they talk in an meeting.  However in today’s super competitive world where everyone is fighting a savage battle to be heard, speaking up is essential.

When I look back at my life, I used to actively participate in school and college in debates, elocution competitions, inter college fests but once I joined the workforce, I was a different person in the boardroom. I hesitated speaking up. The moment I entered the boardroom, I usually sat in a corner chair (like most women do) rather than being confident to take a seat at a prominent place. There were many occasions when I felt like asking a question or stating my differing point of view, or complementing the speaker’s talk by sharing my views/experiences but something held me back. My throat would dry up, my stomach would start rumbling and I could hear my heart beating loudly. I only spoke when I had to. I made it real quick, spoke to the point and got done with it as soon as I could. I bit my lip when the same question I intended to ask but gave up thinking it to be trivial, was posed by someone else a few minutes later and not only was it answered it was acknowledged to be a “good question”. If only I would have mustered some courage and asked it, I wondered in hindsight.

The year 2016 saw a drastic change in my personality. It came with a job change. I knew what had worked out well in my previous organisation and what I had to change in myself. Your best critic is no one but you. I knew I had the brains, my work was thorough, I knew my stuff- what I lacked is making my presence felt. Be it networking, showcasing my work, “humble bragging” which has become  the most sought after word in the millennial dictionary- this is what I had to work on. I made sure I do to right from Day One. I did go through the same bouts of anxiety but I made my mind firm and spoke up- loud and clear. I analysed what went well and what can be done better after the meeting. To my luck, there was a super good bunch of people I was working with. With time and conscious effort, I found my confidence levels go up. I could see a visible difference in the way people perceived me and above all, the way I looked at myself. Before going into a meeting where I had to talk on something or simply listen to a senior leader, I made sure I do my homework thoroughly. How can I add value and differentiate myself from my peers- whats it that I bring to the table that no one else can bring? These are the questions I ask myself and work on my content accordingly.

Asking that question, delivering that kick ass presentation and the sense of satisfaction which comes from the appreciation around and the self evaluation (which is a must for me) makes it worthwhile.

I wouldn’t say that a person has to talk at every meeting, ask a question just for the sake of asking. There are meetings where I haven’t spoken a word for I really had nothing to say, contribute.

However I do believe we need to make an earnest attempt to be heard- not just seen. And by “we” I refer to our women folk who most often play a passive role. When I read Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean In” I was surprised to know that this is a worldwide phenomenon – not just limited to women of India or women belonging to a particular background, rank in the organisation or  class. I often wonder if this has to do with our upbringing where we are often told not to ask too many questions, not to laugh or talk loudly , obey others, listen to your father, then as you grow older and marry- listen to your hubby and in laws. If I analyse this in the light of my upbringing, I had a gender neutral childhood – I was never fed such demeaning or gender biased thoughts. My brother and I were always given the same opportunities, education , facilities, love and respect. So this cannot be the only reason though I believe for many women it holds true.

In my case, I think it has a lot to do with my external environment- outside my family, like the broader circle I moved with, my work environment and largely me. I had a mental blockage about things – like speaking up means showing off and I am a humble girl. Why should I brag, my work and academics will show for itself about how awesome I am. Alas, my work or academics cant talk, I need to talk about my awesomeness. We all need to talk about our accomplishments unabashedly. Those lessons in humility we learnt are no longer applicable in today’s glitzy world.

So, the next time you walk into that meeting make sure you are not one among the 100 faces who is just seen, not heard, you are the one who makes your mark felt. A senior woman leader I greatly admire Vaishali Kasture (MD with Experion) once said “I do not fear taking the seat the head of the table, though I may be the only woman around” I do wish more women can follow her example. We own our career and these little steps we take will go a long way in building a strong women leadership. So , don’t zip your mouth, make your voice heard, ask that silly question and you wont regret it. Promise.

Linking up with #FeministMondays hosted by Nabanita Dhar

Linking up with #MondayMusings hosted by Corrine.

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21 thoughts on “Seen, not heard? Is that you woman? #MondayMusings #FeministMondays

  1. Wow that’s something practical Akshata, to be heard, and not only seen. I could easily connect myself here. Along with the upbringing, it’s the society that we thrive in. And believe me, it plays a crucial role and has a great impact also.
    But yes, it’s the ultimate you who is going to make it or break it. Agreed that our academic records or scholarships will be useless unless we make a presence by making our voice heard in the gathering. So, sometimes we need to leave our humbleness asleep at home and face the world boldly and loudly.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful read Akshata. I read a similar experience in Lean In. Which brings us to the question what about in other scenarios? Do we give our opinions when there are ‘elders’ around? Do we do humble bragging even in other circles?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I completely agree with you, Akshata, that we shouldn’t see everything from the lens of ‘Men Vs Women.’ As you mentioned that it’s your limiting belief that speaking up meant showing off was responsible for your not opening your mouth, not the gender bias.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes not in my case Ravish but in case of many women it has a lot to do with the way they were brought up. We need to fight these limitations anyway whatever be the reasons. Thx for stopping by


  4. No one takes corner seat in the present world that we are living in, there’s so much competition(irrespective of gender), hence the company is just considering personality and skills over gender.
    And yes, the blog is very inspiring.
    Keep up the good work, and a commendable transition.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved it Akshata. When I attend blogger meets , I hesitate to ask a question. As you say nothing to do with the upbringing but maybe lack of confidence. Your article does put things in perspective for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have gone through this myself, Akshata! I can count numerous occasions where I chose not to speak as I thought my point was useless or question too basic. And then I cursed myself for not voicing my questions when someone else asks the same question. It wasn’t that we weren’t encouraged, it’s the fear within of being mocked at that stops us.


  7. Excellent read, Akshata. I’ve seen this play out numerous times too, when women hesitate to speak their mind. I’ve also seen cases where the woman’s voice is drowned out or dismissed. Things are slowly changing, though, which is a good thing.


  8. Women tend to speak up only when they’re sure of what they are saying, while men just speak up. This is due to years of societal conditioning telling women to be soft-spoken, humble and obedient. Thankfully, the glass ceiling is finally cracking.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thumbs-up. In fish market there is enough equality every one is heard. Speak out loud. Crying babies get the milk.better advocate for a separate country like island of lesbos


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