We cant wait for them to grow up, so that we have time for ourselves. But when they do, we miss those little things, those precious moments that are etched in our memories and imprinted in our hearts.
What an irony, isn’t it?
I always wished for Angel to grow up soon so that I could start having more time for myself. I have been on a stupendous journey of self discovery post motherhood, its like untapped interests and potential that lay within me has suddenly found a way to emerge and become such an integral part of my life. Blogging, fitness, being a better version of myself at the workplace each day, this transformational journey began after her birth. Time has always been a paucity and I am often left overwhelmed with an over zealous list I set to accomplish but cannot tick off. And thats why the desire for her to grow up.
Thats not to say that I don’t enjoy the moments while she is young, I revel in them and create as many wonderful memories as I scuttle to capture them on my phone.
It all started with a conversation last month when she asked me “Mumma what do you miss the most about when I was a baby”.
“Definitely not the poop” is what I retorted and she burst into guffaws.
This made me look back on the days when she was younger and I put down what I miss the most.
- Story reading marathon- Angel loves books and has always been fascinated by them. Most people ask me how have we inculcated reading as a hobby as she reads books that are far advanced for her age and often comes back with observations and questions that stumble me. It all started with reading to her when she was an infant. And not just reading a book or two but a marathon reading session when she was 2 years and would gather as many books as her tiny hands could carry from the bookshelf to the bedroom. My mom would read to her on most nights and weekends is when I would take charge. My throat would get parched on some days and my eyes would droop but Angel’s enthusiasm is one thing that never hit a low. Just one more story, she would say, getting into the “puppy eyes” mode and melt my heart , I had no choice but to oblige. Now that she reads on her own , I am relieved in ways as I have been able to read again and we sometimes have this Saturday reading- with me on my kindle and she with her book. We then discuss stuff she read and anything she may want to ask. But boy I do miss those days. We relived them last week with me reading aloud Amelia Jane but after 2 stories I was secretly glad that we are no longer in that phase. A story or two is fine but not 10 books!
- The baby voice speech and dances- Those who know Angel are aware she is an opinionated and assertive being in her own right and I have at times had to re think my stance or pause and realise she’s grown up and may have a different way of viewing things. When she was younger we decked her up for fancy dress or videos on Teachers day and she recited her poem or speech with such earnestness that you cant stop yourself from cuddling her. I watch these on my phone when they pop up as memories and they warm the cockles of my heart . I miss that cute speech, that little version of my girl.
- Sleep in my arms- Most infants need to be put to sleep in someone’s arms , for Angel this persisted for a long time. Till she was 3 almost where she needed to be held in arms , rocked and then she would sleep. It felt difficult and annoying at times as she refused to sleep beside me and insisted to sleep over me, with me holding her in my arms- and not just at night but for her afternoon naps too- in hindsight I miss that feeling. We still cuddle, hug and kiss every night before I tuck her in on days I don’t have calls (the blessings of wfh) but a tiny part of me misses that fuzzy feeling of her in my arms.
Its a mixed feeling honestly- while I miss all of this, I am glad she is growing up as life with a 6 year old is a lot of fun- the conversations we have, the common love we share for books, food, dancing, listening to our favourite songs on Alexa (she has her own playlist thats pretty awesome and has introduced me to “Descendants” ). I will be making another list of things I missed when she was 6 , a few years down the line. Till then, let’s bask in the sun together and live these joyful moments to the fullest.
What do you miss about your kids when they were younger?