I used to be at my wits end when Nysa was a baby. My days were filled with milk bottles, baby poop, laundry, baby food and vaccinations. I was waiting for her to grow up and go to school so that I could get back to living a life of my own- once upon a time I had this life where I could do as I wished, sleep in the middle of the day, eat when I wanted and go out when I wished. Its seemed like decades ago.
As Nysa grew up I found much to my amazement, that the Mommy worries were not over in fact it was a new beginning. Each stage had its challenges, and I was clueless as I tried to pick up the ropes and figure out how to climb the mountain.
If exams and bullying in school worried me, I hadn’t seen the real nightmare yet “teenage”. Nysa has just turned 13.
While this gives me ample time to focus on my work, my own life, the alarm bell within my insides keeps churning. Like today when I saw Nysa emerge out of the bedroom sporting a new pair of shorts. My first thoughts were she’s grown so tall, she looks so lovely in this outfit. But the next instant I was looking at her bare knees and creases appeared on my forehead. She was going for a picnic with her friends. As much as I am a liberal mom and have always believed in giving freedom to my child, the growing number of crimes against women has me worried. I wonder if I should voice my concerns aloud. One part of me cringes for I strongly feel we all should be free to lead the life we desire- be it in terms of the food we eat, what we wear, whom we talk with. Who are we to lay restrictions and dictate terms to another? I always dress up in skirts and one piece dresses to work – telling off Nysa would make me sound like a hypocrite. But what if some harm were to befall her? Isn’t it better to be safe than sorry?
Its thoughts like these which give me nightmares.
Nysa had a sleepover at a friend’s place recently and a late night party on Friday where a friend Kaushik came to drop her home. Is he her boyfriend I wondered? She hadn’t told me anything and I did hope that the bond we shared would make her confide in me if there was anything. A part of my was thrilled that she was living the life she wanted to, she took her studies seriously but also let her hair loose. But the other part was worried- what if she ended up hurting herself, would she be able to put the broken pieces aside and smile again?
As the mother of a teenager, giving space to her is what was most difficult. For the amount of space a teenager needs these days is very different from what I needed during my time. Every relationship thrives on honesty and respect. I choose to give her space, trust her and the values on which I had brought her up and leave the rest to time. If something bad were to happen, she would learn to pick up the pieces and mend it- I would be ready, in the backyard with a needle and thread – we would mend it together and make it whole again.
Linking up with #BlogchatterA2ZChallenge -Letter T
My theme for the challenge is
“A slice of life through Myra’s eyes” – a fictional tale of growing up and learning some vital lessons about self love, feminism, sisterhood, a working woman and the essence of being a woman in urban India.
Image source- momjunction.com
www.akswrites.com 
I can feel this having gone through and going through this bumpy rides with my son. When I see him combing his hair left to right and right to left I get irritated as to why the hell he had to set ghetto hair when it is all OK he combed the first time. The second shock I experienced was, he started picking his own dress and talked about mix and match, pair it up with.. I was all amused as I never did in my life with my mom as a teenager. The third shock is mobile usage. True, this is a rocky path. T is ten commandments. https://syncwithdeep.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/t-ten-commandments-blogchattera2z-atozchallenge-atoz/
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Hahah hair combing and boys! Mobile usage is always tricky. How about girl friends? 🙂
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right now not spotted. i think he has difficulty becos he is from a all boys school.. may be the starting toruble..
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I feel a big mistake to make at this time would be to go behind her back to keep a check on her. It’s what happened in my case and all the years of bonding broke down in a single night. I understand the worries that parents have but it would be better for both the parties if there was an open and honest conversation.
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True Arjun trust is key. As a parent one is obviously worried especially in today’s world but snooping around can cause harm to the relationship
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Hmm… heading towards this phase in a couple of years.. I hope i’ll Be fine.
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Oh ya and you can share your snippets of wisdom with us
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Myra is an awesome mom. She has built an excellent relationship with her daughter and the very fact that she is conflicted implies she is thinking about it the right way and will handle each situation in the nuanced way it calls for. There are no set rules and each situation will have to be handled with thought, sensitivity and an open mind. Seems like Myra is doing a great job.
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Love the chapters of Myra’s life you have chosen to share. all of us women have had to or will deal with these issues at some point in our lives either directly or indirectly.
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True Kanika! That’s why I put much thought into each post!
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That’s why I took time to choose them carefully. Thx a ton Kanika
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After reading this blog of yours…got to know about new unexplored dimensions, its amazing.
At the end of the day, mom tells her daughter “You always have a door called Home open for you”
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That’s key and gives a lot of confidence and hope to a child
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Such pertinent questions, Myra puts across. I am sure every mother reading this would relate to your writing, Akshata. We have had a very strict upbringing, but we are unsure how we would be with our kids when they grow up. One thing is sure – we need to put aside our past and its reservation and be more open with our kids to win their trust. Like Myra, I wouldn’t like my child to lie to me just because I was a strict mother.
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True Anshu as a mother it’s not easy and dread this phase
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Teenage years…tumultous time indeed. Liked the modern yet cautious parenting approach.
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Thx for stopping by! It’s good to see you here!
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Going by my own experiences, I must say that yes the fears are true. But with time, I also have realized that the openness in the relationship, trust shown by parents paves the way for the teenager to enjoy the experience of coming of the age and yet be in modest limits.
I am sure Myra, as a parent will not have anything different from this to say!
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You are the expert! Look up to you for advice Anagha
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Every mom would be able to relate to this post. Yet to reach that stage with my daughter but I am already scared as to how we as parents would deal with the issues yet maintain the camaraderie with the child.
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Oh ya you can share tips with me as you wok get these faster
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Myra comes across as a really good mother. You have developed this character very well.
https://lonelycanopyblog.wordpress.com/2018/04/22/the-birdwatchers-house-in-thattekad-forest/
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Thx Seema ya she seems too good to be true!
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All mothers can understand and relate with. As teenagers we never understood or appreciated for that matter.
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True as they say you will understand when you become a mother
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It is a difficult balance to maintain. Protect or give space. Be cautious or pick up the pieces.
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True really difficult and no easy answers
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Ah, we’re now at the parenting stage I have yet to reach – not looking forward to these worries!
https://iainkellywriting.com/2018/04/23/t-is-for-talinn-estonia/
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Me too! Maybe we can learn from each other’s wisdom!
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As a mom of a teenager, I can relate to this post, Akshata. I loved the last lines – I would be ready, in the backyard with a needle and thread – we would mend it together and make it whole again.
It is indeed not easy but as parents, we can only guide them but cant be with them always.
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True Deepa I am sure with 2 grown up daughters you will relate to this! Do share your tidbits of wisdom with us!
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I can understand the worries of Myra. I would have perhaps felt the same way if I had a daughter. Great going Aks.
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Thx Balaka! its always a challenge for every mom
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This made me think of my daughter’s future. LOL, she is just 1yo now. On a serious note, yes raising a kid, be it a girl or a boy is not an easy task. Goes one worry comes another. 😛
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True its challenging at every stage, god wish us all good luck!
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The thoughts and the situation is so well expressed. It truly is very difficult to know where to draw the line, how much space and freedom to give without restricting. But one thing’s for sure. There’s no end to such worries at no stage 😀
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Thats so true its a never ending journey for a mom, however old your kid grows
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Building a relationship with the bricks of trust, confidence, honesty and respect and cementing it with core values and right amount of freedom will go a far way.
Impressed with Myra.
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You summed it up so rightly!
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Parents can never get it right with their kids, especially after a certain age, so I guess the best thing is to look at them as individuals and not one’s ‘responsibility’, and act accordingly.
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Thats the smartest thing to do!
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