Oh My God #AtoZChallenge #BlogchatterA2Z

Posted in Aks Corner, AToZ Challenge 2018, family, Gender Equality, motherhood, Parenting, Sexism, The Couple

Its been a year of bliss- the first year of marriage as everyone says is like a fairytale.

In our case, we took time to discover each other and walk into this new phase taking things as they come.

We were very clear about the division of responsibilities right from day one. He pays the bills , I pay the rent, he brings chicken and fish every weekend, I shop for veggies. I rustle up the dough, he does the dishes. With both of us fairly inexperienced when it came to cooking and managing the house and both leading busy lives pursuing our careers, it made sense to share the load.

We were enjoying this new phase when suddenly the bomb was dropped “When is the good news?” For the uninitiated, it means when is the baby coming for without that you cant really be a happy and complete family, can you?

The funny part was almost everyone right from young and old, relatives and friends, nosy neighbours and the guy at the gym popped this personal question as if it was like asking us “Hows your day going?”.

Funnily I was the one asked more often and I was the one who couldn’t cover up her emotions and display a poker face. My nostrils flared up and cheeks turned red with indignation.

“We haven’t decided yet aunty” I would politely say though I was seething with rage and would have loved to say “None of your business.”

I dont quite get why cant people let the couple decide when they want to have a baby and above all if they really want to have one.

My next door neighbour Sulakshana is married for 8 years and they are a DINK- Double Income No Kids couple who love their life sans kids. But that doesn’t stop people from wagging their tongues and keeping names for the “incomplete unfortunate couple”

Another unsolicited advice which makes no logical sense that couples without kids often get is – “if you are facing marital discord or having a husband who is not responsible and is abusive, have a baby. That solves all issues.” I always marvelled at the optimism of these well meaning advice givers who seem to have a crystal ball and go about telling people about the wonderful life they will soon be blessed with if only they care to procreate.

So I have been asked 4 times today by 4 different people and I swear to God that if someone asks me this question again, my answer is going to be ” We have a tiny problem, I don’t want to go through the difficult process of having a baby, can you be a surrogate mom (or can your wife, sister, daughter  be kind enough and help us)? I am sure they wont ever venture near me again.

I keep waiting with an excitement building within but to my disappointment, no one comes with “the good news” question today.

Linking up with #BlogchatterA2ZChallenge- Letter O

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My theme for the challenge is

“A slice of life through Myra’s eyes” – a fictional tale of growing up and learning some vital lessons about self love, feminism, sisterhood, a working woman and the essence of being a woman in urban India.   

Published by Akshata Ram

Chartered Accountant, Story Teller, Dreamer, Voracious Reader, Blogger, Mommy to a little munchkin, Shopaholic, Day Dreamer.Passionate about my career in the corporate world and aspire to break the glass ceiling, at the same time nurture my passion for writing. My niche area is short stories, I also write on parenting, sexism, life's experiences, micro blogs and flash fiction. I have won the best Parenting blog post at mycity4kids.com the largest parenting website in India, 4 times and several of my posts have been published in the #MostPopular category on this site garnering millions of views. I also write on Bonobology, Rivo Kids, Women's Web and Youth Ki Awaaz. My blog has been chosen as the Top Indian Blogs for the years 2018-2019,2020 by TopIndianBlogs website and found a place in the prestigious Top 22 Indian Literary Blogs in 2020 @TopIndianBlogs.

49 thoughts on “Oh My God #AtoZChallenge #BlogchatterA2Z”

  1. Great job Akshata bringing up another burning issue.

    Congratulations Myra. Thanks for sharing the good news with us. I promise not to give you loads of unsolicited advise, though I suppose some of those aunties are bound to. A discrete pair of ear plugs helped me since I cant keep a poker face either.

    DINK? Is that really a thing?

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  2. It is indeed annoying . Then after the first kid it’s when will you have a second one. They need company. When you are old you will need two children to take care of you. So this is never ending. I believe in ignorance is bliss! But I loved Myra’s idea too for an apt reply.

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  4. This is so apt!! I always had a laugh when someone would ask a couple about the good news. I urged my sister to ask them how their bowel movements are going in response.

    Then there is the issue of have a baby to solve all problems. People think it will unite the couple but actually it would act as a distraction from the issue that caused the fight. An 18 year long distraction.

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  5. Ha ha, haven’t we all gone through this!! Reminds me of the early days of my marriage. My daughter came in the fifth year of marriage, so you can imagine for how long we had to ward off this question. But, now, it is the second type – when are you having another one. your daughter needs a sibling. There is no end to it. Would love to know what Myra would do now?? Will she rise up to the challenge??

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  6. Ha ha ha, I loved the end…We all have been asked this question..and once the first baby arrives the question turns to ‘when are you giving your elder one a brother or a sister?’ isn’t it Aks?

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  7. Good for you Myra. It is your decision to have kids because believe you me no one will help you with the baby sitting or child rearing. It will mean compromising your career one way or the other, depending on child care either via your family or paid help…. So have a kid only if you are up to it.

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  9. Tell me about it. I was asked about the good news after three months of getting married. I was like had you told us earlier we would have had a baby before getting married only. The pressure is exhausting.

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  10. Hi Akshata! Have or have not a baby, as a society, we love to pick. I got pregnany early on in the marriage and one aunt rued…Poor thing! Shes pregnant so soon. Like I was inflicted with some disease or something..lol. And as Aesha said, the second child queries start pouring in after the first one is born…lol. 🙂

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  11. It’s universal and an age old problem. They ask it here in Australia and they asked it 35 years ago when I was a young married woman. I guess people just assume you get married and can’t wait to add a multitude of complications to your happy life by having a baby!

    Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au
    O for Open Your Eyes

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  12. When do you plan on getting married? You’re almost 29-you won’t find “nice boys” later.
    When do you plan on having kids?
    When do you plan on getting your kids married?
    When do you plan on insisting you want grandchildren?
    It never ends! 😂

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  15. Hahaha..Akshata, I have heard that so much – used to hear it, actually. Now, after 21 years, no one bothers.But the initial 6-7 years were tough. Each and every one asked as if it was their birthright to know why we were childless. I used to imagine, too, that if someone asks me, I will ask them if I pestered them when they ‘were’ having kids! Alas, I couldn’t muster up all that courage. But, it’s a fact in our country that people here have no sense of private space. And, it’s utterly annoying. But, the one lesson I learnt from it all is not to poke my nose in other people’s business/ no asking them personal questions…It’s none of my business anyway! 🙂

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  16. Oh, the one question which we all hear as soon as we get married and it never stops. I know how Myra must be feeling. It is irritating when people are more bothered about whats going in your life than their own.

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  20. We are a crazy race with no respect for boundaries, and this is especially true in India. When my wife and I were asked such questions, there were times when I used to ignore all niceties and reply, “Aapko chaahiye toh aap kar lo baccha, humein toh nahin chahiye.”

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  21. People just don’t mind their own business, do they? Another way that people ask about the same thing is ‘any issues at home?’ I was quite tempted to reply ‘Yes, uncle. Having a cash crunch. Could you lend us ten lakhs?’ Since when getting a baby become an issue?

    BTW, congrats to Myra. I hope some one does ask her soon.

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  22. “if you are facing marital discord or having a husband who is not responsible and is abusive, have a baby. That solves all issues.” That line hits hard the point. In fact, I’ve heard exactly the same version many times. If you have one, the question comes for the second. In case if both the kids are girls, then comes the question of a baby boy. There is no end to it.

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  23. I have never understood the logic of having a child if the husband is abusive or irresponsible. Is child a magic want who will make all the problems disappear. That’s the most foolish piece of advice you can ever give. And seriously, I too was tired of answering this question in first year of marriage. After that I just stopped responding.

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  24. haha! The poking noses and repeated questions sure get annoying at an alarming pace. Love how the duties and new phase was shared equally, both trying to help each other out together 🙂 A strong base indeed here.

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