Not the perfect wedding #AtoZChallenge #BlogChatterA2Z

Posted in Aks Corner, family, Gender Equality, gratitude, Love & Relationships, Sexism, The Couple

And I met my dream man. It wasn’t the way in which I had thought.

It was through the arranged marriage route. But both of us were certain about one thing. We wanted time and we could not say how much. We spelt this out clearly to our families. His family was a carbon copy of mine. It worked well.

During our courtship, we had these days when we felt “this should be called off, its not going to work” and  we had those days which were all mushy and gooey and all we could think of was “lets get hitched”.

The beauty of arranged marriages is – you do not have a whole list of expectations. Of course as an individual you do have expectations from your partner but when it comes to a person you met recently, you let things unfold and build expectations based on “the present”.

So the final decision was “Lets get married”. It wasn’t the overly romantic love but we knew what we wanted from life as a couple, we complemented each other. In him I found a friend for life, my parents found the son they had never had and I found a new set of parents.

While I couldn’t wait for the D day, much to my dismay the wedding ceremony wasn’t one that lived upto my expectations.

We decided to follow the rituals of his community as we weren’t keen on getting married in a  particular way. I found most of the customs as patriarchal. The heavy weight of the saree and jewellery plus my hair which was pinned up and adorned with so many flowers was annoying me. I was sweating profusely despite the air conditioner.

I  looked at him comfortably sporting a kurta and wondered – what if we swapped places? That thought made me chuckle.

The most regressive custom was yet to come. I was asked by the priest to wash my husband’s feet. I stood rooted to the spot. I was surrounded by 30 people , all elders from his family.

He sensed my discomfort and was the first one to speak “This is not needed, we are equals. She will not do anything of this kind. ”

The priest retorted “Suraj this is a sacred thing, you cannot just decide what you want to do”

“In that case I will wash her feet too” He coolly replied.

The priest was sweating now.  He finally decided to do away with this custom.

I looked at Suraj and smiled, talking to myself”I do hope you continue supporting me like this always.”

Looks like I did find a guy like my Daddy.

Linking up with #BlogchatterA2ZChallenge

My theme for the challenge is

“A slice of life through Myra’s eyes” – a fictional tale of growing up and learning some vital lessons about self love, feminism, sisterhood, a working woman and the essence of being a woman in urban India.   

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Image courtesy-myindiandream.in

Published by Akshata Ram

Chartered Accountant, Story Teller, Dreamer, Voracious Reader, Blogger, Mommy to a little munchkin, Shopaholic, Day Dreamer.Passionate about my career in the corporate world and aspire to break the glass ceiling, at the same time nurture my passion for writing. My niche area is short stories, I also write on parenting, sexism, life's experiences, micro blogs and flash fiction. I have won the best Parenting blog post at mycity4kids.com the largest parenting website in India, 4 times and several of my posts have been published in the #MostPopular category on this site garnering millions of views. I also write on Bonobology, Rivo Kids, Women's Web and Youth Ki Awaaz. My blog has been chosen as the Top Indian Blogs for the years 2018-2019,2020 by TopIndianBlogs website and found a place in the prestigious Top 22 Indian Literary Blogs in 2020 @TopIndianBlogs.

77 thoughts on “Not the perfect wedding #AtoZChallenge #BlogChatterA2Z”

  4. “The beauty of arranged marriages is – you do not have a whole list of expectations. Of course as an individual you do have expectations from your partner but when it comes to a person you met recently, you let things unfold and build expectations based on “the present”. the best of this post! i loved this aks. N is for Nostalgia https://syncwithdeep.wordpress.com/2018/04/16/n-nostalgia-blogchattera2z-atozchallenge-atoz/

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  6. It’s great to have an understanding partner who keeps his male ego aside and supports in this journey where still societal norms, customs and traditions are given more preference than a woman’s comfort and desires.

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  7. Nicely written. In my custom, it’s the groom who touches the brides feet after marriage to slip on the toe ring and not the other way round. But totally agree with your point on marriage being a union of equals.

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  8. How well you have explained the beauty of arranged marriages in India. We do not know each other, are little awkward and shy around each other, even a little unsure, but the best part is we do not have expectations from each other. That is a solid foundation for a rock solid marriage. No expectations, no “you have changed”! And I think I love Suraj for his progressive views. He is definitely a feminist!!

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  11. Dear Myra, I too hated this custom and we didn’t have it at my wedding (only a symbolic drop of water on the toe) but my father explained to me that this custom originated because when the groom came to the wedding, he generally travelled from another village and naturally his feet were dirty and possibly smelly too……

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    1. Thx for stopping by. Pulling a chair or holding a door is not really a custom to be honest but a matter of etiquette. I would hold a door open for anyone irrespective of gender.

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  18. If she’s had any doubts about her decision, I’m sure they must have been wiped away with that one statement of his. I hope he continues supporting her like this. Actually I hope they continue supporting each other because as he said, they are equals

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  22. Finding father’s reflection in her man, isn’t this every woman? This was such a sweet post and I feel the light shining bright in her life by her Suraj 🙂 Nicely done!

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  25. In our custom, the father of the bride follows this ritual. Both me and my hubby had tears when my dad was asked to follow this custom at my wedding. Thankfully the priest didn’t force it upon us after watching us. Sometimes I don’t understand the logic behind the age old customs. I am so glad Myra found the man of her dreams

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  32. Things are changing for women, but also for men. In this day and age, the groom was sensitive to his new bride’s feelings. It never used to be like that. This couple was very brave to go against the tradition. I enjoy reading stories with strong women.
    JQ Rose

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  36. A prospective arranged marriage bride here, trying to find my way without bending principals or losing hope. Your post just warmed my heart and gave me hope. I am so glad you found a supportive partner. Congratulations!

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