Blue or Pink- does it matter? #AtoZChallenge #BlogchatterA2Z

Posted in Aks Corner, AToZ Challenge 2018, family, Gender Equality, Love & Relationships, Parenting, Sexism

Mommy wanted a boy- did  I really hear that or was it my imagination? Its hardly been 24 hours that I came into this world and I have heard more rotten things than I heard in the past 10 months in Mommy’s womb.

As I grow up I realise the bitter truth that many parents especially in India favour a boy over a girl child due to numerous reasons. The biggest misconception which fuels this desire is a girl will grow up, get married and go to someone else’s house but a boy will remain with his family, take care of his parents in their old age. Seems like a Stone Age thing to me. Its really a thing of the past, perhaps ages ago.

Things are changing these days and many people are indifferent when it comes to preferred gender of their offspring. I know that some of Daddy’s and Mommy’s relatives weren’t too happy when I came along, as they all wanted a boy child but I had never expected my Mommy of all the people to hold such biases.

I carried this grudge for long, my tears dried up but the scar remained. When I was old enough, on day in a fit of rage in the midst of an argument I blurted out ” You don’t talk about sexism Mommy, you wanted a boy. I know that, I heard Dadi say”.

Mummy was stunned, her expression was unfathomable. Perhaps she did not know how to react. But what she told me, made me bite my lip in shame for judging her too quickly without knowing the facts.

“Myra I wanted a boy yes but do you know why?Not because I think a daughter will grow up and desert me and a son will look after me but because I never had a brother as a child. We were 2 sisters. Nor did I have a cousin brother as you know we are all girls in the family. As much as I love girls and I share a special bond with my sister and cousins, I wanted a boy solely because I never had one in my growing years. This was the only reason.”

I felt guilty for judging Mom too quickly. While there is a lot of talk about being progressive and not differentiating between a boy and girl these days and most people talking about wanting a girl child or being indifferent- there could be some people who want a boy child and the reason could completely different than the age old reasons people had for wanting a male child. Like Sheena aunty heaved a sigh of relief when she was blessed with a boy child because she was worried about the safety of a girl child with so many incidents on the rise. Can such people freely express their opinion without being criticised? Are we getting too judgemental? Too many questions, but no answers.

This was just a drop of the ocean- there is lot I had to face as years progressed and I grew up. To start with, being a dusky girl means being viewed with a different set of lens but thats a story for tomorrow.

Linking up with #BlogchatterA2ZChallenge- Letter B

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My theme for the challenge is

“A slice of life through Myra’s eyes” – a fictional tale of growing up and learning some vital lessons about self love, feminism, sisterhood, a working woman and the essence of being a woman in urban India.   

Published by Akshata Ram

Chartered Accountant, Story Teller, Dreamer, Voracious Reader, Blogger, Mommy to a little munchkin, Shopaholic, Day Dreamer.Passionate about my career in the corporate world and aspire to break the glass ceiling, at the same time nurture my passion for writing. My niche area is short stories, I also write on parenting, sexism, life's experiences, micro blogs and flash fiction. I have won the best Parenting blog post at mycity4kids.com the largest parenting website in India, 4 times and several of my posts have been published in the #MostPopular category on this site garnering millions of views. I also write on Bonobology, Rivo Kids, Women's Web and Youth Ki Awaaz. My blog has been chosen as the Top Indian Blogs for the years 2018-2019,2020 by TopIndianBlogs website and found a place in the prestigious Top 22 Indian Literary Blogs in 2020 @TopIndianBlogs.

81 thoughts on “Blue or Pink- does it matter? #AtoZChallenge #BlogchatterA2Z”

  1. Very nicely put up in words. I agree that we have to be little less judgmental about wishing for a boy child. When my nephew was born, me and my sister were really happy and the only reason for that was being two sisters we never knew what is it like to have a boy child in the family. It was simply exciting for us. One should not be judged for innocent wishes, we all are human but then the world will always be little judgmental always, it had been. As long as the majority or the people close to us are understanding and there are people like you speaking and spreading the word of truth, I think we are good.

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  2. I have a friend who lost her father when she was only 2 months old. So it was only herself and her mom. Her mom didn’t have ties with extended family. So she always missed having a loving family. She tells me today she is very happy God gave her 2 boys. One of my boy is the father I didn’t have and the other is the brother I didn’t have. And that I always wanted boys so I have my family. I love your post Akshata. I know mothers who wish for boys for a very rational reason but are judged.

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  3. I have heard of many anecdotes of people preferring a gender but for reasons that are not conventional. The skeptic in me thinks that they are lying to seem more acceptable and open and yet the liberal in me says that people should be free to express their opinion and have their own preferences.

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    1. That’s always a tough battle Arjun. A guy once told me he prefers to have a son so that he can play sports with him. Made me wonder what’s stopping him in playing sports with a daughter

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  5. This reminded me of a childhood story of mine. One day I overheard my Mom saying ‘I never wanted a girl’. I was so hurt and I asked her the reason. She said ” I never wanted a girl only because I never wanted my child to go through the pain of being a woman in this society.’
    The story is unfolding beautifully.

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  6. Interesting plot for the day.. I did wanted a girl after my boy.. But fate did not favour me. B is for beautiful. Do have your say on my post too. Thanks and have a nice day 🙂

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  8. Glad you spoke about this Akshata and did such a great job too. It is indeed sad that people freely voice wanting a girl these days but fear voicing wanting a boy for political correctness. There will be personal preference for many reasons, but as long as there is no prejudice against bringing up a child of one gender or another everyone has aright to their feelings.

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  10. Growing up, I always wanted a brother and I have heard my mom wish too. My dad was happy in a houseful of women and often remarked he was blessed with two great girls. Sometimes, we find interpretations and meanings when there are none. Nice write as usual, Aks.

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  11. Beautiful. You know I wanted a boy too because I felt like knowing what it was to bring up a tiny tit from the opposite gender. Sometimes I was judged for being so sexist in my thoughts. When my son was born, I really felt happy. We tend to judge people so easily without even understanding their perspective.

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  12. I have a daughter and I would still prefer another daughter. But, a part of me wishes for a boy. Why? Because I want to prove the asinine norms in our society about the upbringing of a boy. I want to set an example that boys and girls can be given the same upbringing. I want a boy to be able to make the much-needed difference many only speak about but hardly carry out. Waiting for your next post, Akshata 🙂

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  14. True! you know what craze for boy child is everywhere. I had badly wanted a girl and I was infact upset over birth of a boy, till that little bundle made me fall in love with him. And you know sometimes, I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear about girls being maltreated, not just rapes, but also as daughter in laws from the families they get married to.

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  17. There’s a slight difference between having judgment and being judgmental. One should judge everything but without prejudice and should remain open to change one’s judgment in the light of new facts. And, before forming any judgment on someone’s opinion, one should also try to know the cause behind it.

    Akshata, your clarity on thoughts and grip on fundamentals always impressed me. And, I must say that you have beautifully woven the issue of gender inequality in your story. It doesn’t seem like thrown at all. Kudos 🙂

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    1. Thx Ravish for the kind words. I agree having an opinion or judgement is ok as long as it’s not prejudicial and one is flexible to hear our others POV too! Thx for stopping by

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  19. While the world is changing and the perception of the gender bias is also on the course of a major turn, there are still people who hang on to the old norms.
    And while we complain about the difficulties of being a girl/woman in our society, we don’t seem to be doing much about that to make that feeling go away. We are bringing some changes, sure, but they are still not enough.

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    1. It’s not that easy to change the rigid norms which people have stuck onto since ages. And not everyone has the courage or support system to bring about that change. But we can hope that with a few who are willing to stand up, we can see change over a period of time

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      1. True that.
        It is a lot of work, hard work. But I believe the next generation should pick up the new norms and the present gen should do whatever in its best to make those necessary changes.

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  20. I too wanted a boy and felt ashamed to say this openly. People would judge me Ifelt for wanting a boy. But like you said I did not want a boy because I feel boys are superior or will support us in old age. I wanted a boy just like my younger brother and to relive those days of our childhood. 🙂

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  22. That’s a wonderfully written story. I feel like you have actually written my story here. Even we were two sisters and had no brother. Neither did we get a chance to bond with cousin brothers. That was my sole reason why I wished for one son and one daughter. It was also the reason because I wanted to get the feel of both the worlds brining them up. I am thankful I am blessed with both son and daughter in this life.

    Very well written and beautiful thoughts you have portrayed.

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  23. Is life really difficult for the girls even in the families with educated parents? Thats sad. When we were gifted with a baby girl, everyone rejoiced…Without a daughter in the house, its incomplete!
    Your portrayal of Myra’s world is so powerful that it packs a punch Akshata.

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    1. I too was overjoyed to have a daughter Anagha! But thinking of the period pain, delivery and things like that a part of me dint want a daughter to suffer like this

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  24. For a long time, I dreamed of having a boy as my first -born because I always wanted but never had an elder brother sibling. And then, I became more aware, and started calling myself a feminist, and my dreams changed to one wanting a girl child. But the more I get to hear about the horrific incidents the more I shy away from wanting a daughter. Good thing, I am neither married nor planning to have any kids at all.
    Loved reading this. Don’t know why I am not following your blog yet. Correcting that mistake right away.

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    1. Thanks so much Piyusha for the generous words. It’s good to have another person who doesn’t fear calling herself a feminist 😊. I have read your blogs and they talk about feminism very boldly which I liked. Desiring to have a male child doesn’t make one sexist if the reasons are not the conventional stupid ones. I just feel there is too much of judgement around these days

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  25. I think it is wrong to prefer one gender over another – one should accept whatever gender the child is born. Of course people visualise their lives shaping up according to the gender of the child, and then might have preferences, but there is always the risk of the child getting treated unfairly because of fate dealing ‘unfavourable’ cards.

    Cheers,
    CRD

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    1. Thats not always true we all have our preferences, its the reasons that matter. Like in my case I wanted a baby girl and I was blessed with one but that doesn’t mean if it was a boy, I would have treated him any differently

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  26. This is a sad reality of our society. Even though its not the stone age and things are changing, there are some things which really make us think about the safety of our girls. Waiting to read the next one.

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  28. Your blog reminded me of my childhood. As a child, I always thought that my grandmother loved my brother more than me. Thanks to all the TV ads on DD1 that made my belief stronger. But this was far from reality.

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  29. A very refreshing perspective actually! You’ve brought out that tendency to outrage without cause so well here. Yes, I agree that there may be a number of reasons for our beliefs and desires. But society won’t let us express those freely will they? At least, not on social media. Sigh, it’s one reason I keep most opinions on burning topics to myself. I don’t have the bandwidth to handle arguments, especially with strangers.

    Nicely done, Akshata!

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    1. Thanks so much Shy, this means a lot coming from you! I too steer clear from debatable topics for the sheer reason that I find it mindless to indulge in arguments which get nasty

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  31. When my sister was admitted for her delivery, the girl in the next bed gave birth to a beautiful little girl after nearly eleven hours of labour. Her mother-in-law didn’t even go inside to see the newborn or take care of the poor girl. Reason being, this was her third daughter. Instead the mother-in-law came to visit my sister who had just given birth to my nephew. She even said ‘smart girl’ to my sister. That is the world we live in.

    That being said, the story is picking pace, Akshata. Waiting to read more.

    PS: Oh and btw, the husband apparently fainted once he got the phone call about his third daughter.

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    1. hey thanks Varad for sharing that story especially the PS part- like your usual punch in the end 🙂 sadly doesn’t seem like this mentality is going to change anytime soon, completely eliminating it doesn’t seem like a possibility

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  33. Many still think in this way in Sudan too, favoring a boy over a girl might be a thing from the past but it’s a concept still alive and well, yet again so does racism!
    Enjoyed this post, can’t wait to see what else you have to offer 🙂

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  36. It’s rightly said that we should never judge a book by its cover. We form our opinion about people even before knowing them and it can harm a budding relation in long run.

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